Vulnerability! Am I prepared to look at who I really Am?
I have been reflecting a great deal this week on where I am going; what I have achieved; what I want to achieve; life; the universe; everything in fact!
I have often thought I am not good enough. That manifests itself in so many ways on a regular basis, when I feel a little unsure or less confident in myself. I look in the mirror and think I am not slim enough or fit enough. I think about work and am not good enough at what I do. I look around the house and think it is not clean enough so therefore I am not a good enough homemaker and so on. Endlessly critical, Endlessly dissatisfied.
As a consequence, I have always worked hard - no bad thing that - but still never been quite satisfied.
I exercise regularly - good for my health - but still not fast enough or strong enough. There is a pattern here that is developing. I have spent a great deal of time in this world thinking I should be better.
The question has to be though - for what? Why do I need to be faster? Am I entering races - No, not any more! Is my work not good enough - No, there is always room for improvement from all of us, but actually I am good at what I do. So where does all this come from? A fear of being ordinary. A fear of not pushing the boat out to see what I could really be. A fear of looking foolish or people judging me for my efforts.
I have just been re-reading a book by Brene Brown - everyone should read her books or listen to her podcasts - and it has all jumped out at me, again!! I have also shared a meeting with friends I have studies with and the same theme emerged. We were all doing it - judging ourselves as not really getting there.
BUT - at this is a big BUT - we have all exposed ourselves by getting out there. We have all changed our direction, career, circumstances and got on with it. We are all trying different things and seeing what happens. We have exposed our vulnerabilities to the world and it is FANTASTIC!
What has been the outcome for me then, of this exposure. I have set up a business that is on its way. I am enjoying life so much more and feel that I am putting in so much more. I am fit and strong and healthy so able to do all the fun things I want to do. Am I good enough - actually I am! I just have to keep believing that and repeating it to myself when I feel a bit wobbly - which by the way - is perfectly normal. Recognising the successes, and the reasons behind doing things is invaluable to check that actually I am doing OK - maybe a bit better than OK. Being vulnerable is not weak, yup, it can be scary to expose my vulnerability, but it is also exciting, energising and gives me value.
So my message - Be Vulnerable - Expose yourself ( metaphorically, unless you are a naturist!) Be Great!