Stop the Destructive Self Judgement NOW!
So, 2019 is here and a fresh start with trying to resolve some bad habits, the worst of which is self judgement!
I don't do dry January because I do like a glass of wine and being Scottish, Burn's Night is very important to me, so I know I will break the resolve. However, there is nothing to say, I can't do it, bar the 25th. Many people, myself included, often give up early on resolutions because we break them early, and fail to give ourselves a break about it, so give up entirely. Rather daft in truth!
I am one of those people who is great on self judgement. "So, you can't keep a resolution for 5 minutes!"; "So what happened to trying to exercise each day?" and so on. Many of us do, and it is so destructive.
The standard piece of advice is to think what you would say to a friend in your position. Doesn't work for me. I am generous, supportive and helpful to my friends, but still cannot quite equate that with myself. I am driven to try to be perfect - pah - utter nonsense as none of us are.
We are human beings therefore we always have choice. Choice can sometimes take us down the wrong path for our desires or wishes, but that does not mean we cannot turn round. We all make bad or dumb choices sometimes, I know I do frequently, but that is part of being a human and keeping all that lovely choice.
So what to do? I think I finally cracked it for me, when I realised that by trying NOT to do something, made me really want to do it. Don't eat cake, in my head means where is the cake! So how do I stick to a resolve, because inevitably something has to give. I make sure I couch things in positive terms and have a reason for what I want to do. I want to exercise and get fitter as there are still some mountains I would like to summit; there are still walks and cycles I would like to do. I want to get trimmer so that I don't get so hot carrying a rucksac! I want to eat healthily as I would like to keep working for much longer as I love my job...…
By looking at things this way, I can be more gentle with myself when I choose the wrong path. So I ate some left over xmas cake. Well I went for a run. I find I am not so judgemental as I can let things go more easily. I will probably have a drink on Burn's night, it doesn't mean I will have one today.
I am perfectly imperfect and always will be. I can learn to be kinder to myself by finding the bit of my brain that help me achieve my goals without getting hung up on a weak moment. By being kinder to myself, I find I am not beating myself up so much and a "mistake" doesn't become a pattern as I don't need to turn to treats to feel better. I can enjoy each moment, even when I have done a bit of self sabotage. It's called being human, move on and let it go!
I hope this will help you find a trick that allows you to be kinder to yourself too.